1. If I like it, it's mine.
2. If it's in my mouth, it's mine.
3. If I can take it from you, it's mine.
4. If I had it a little while ago, it's mine.
5. It must never appear to be yours in any way.
6. If I'm chewing something up, the pieces are mine.
7. If it just looks like mine, it's mine.
8. If I saw it first, it's mine.
9. If you put it down, it automatically becomes mine.
10. If it's broken, it's yours.

1. Pauses after "Bow" while trying to remember "Wow".
2. Buries tail, wags bones.
3.He just eats the meat by-products.
4. Still smokes two packs a day.
5. Over 2 dozen concussions from toilet seat falling on his head.
6. Thinks "Snausages" is a real word.
7. Spends hours staring at kitchen cabinet, waiting for tiny horse-and-carriage to come out.
8. Constantly chasing people named "Katz".

1. I thought there would be chance to show off my talent for drinking from the toilet.
2. Really thought I saw that little chuckwagon!
3. My lifelong battle with problem drool.
4. During spelling competition, I spelled "ubiquitous" with two B's!
5. I didn't know that was the judge's leg!
6. Like me, the whole thing was fixed...

1. Doggy door on oval office.
2. At press conferences, instead of "Mr. President," reporters would shout, "Here fella!"
3. Goodbye Whitewater scandal, hello toilet bowl water scandal.
4. Washington Monument replaced with hundred-story fire hydrant.
5. Secret service and CIA dispatched to catch that little chuck wagon.
6. Country really run by dog's smarter poodle wife.
7. "Barking Jingle Bells" becomes new National Anthem.
8. One word: Sausage-gate .